Don't panic! There is apparently a minor turkey shortage this year! Butterball says there are fewer large, fresh turkeys available this year, although there are still plenty frozen turkeys, which make up 85% of Thanksgiving sales.
Turkey producers say there has been a "decline in turkey weight gain" this season on some turkey farms.
You don't think this might have anything to do with the hot new Richard Simmons video, "Gobblin' To The Oldies?"
photo: Getty Images
At least one top model doesn't think Taylor Swift has what it takes to be a VIctoria's Secret model. Like she was planning on it, anyway. After Taylor's performance at the Victoria's Secret "fashion show," (trust me, you won't see these fashions any time soon in line for a night out at Burger King) model Jessica Hart told Women's Wear Daily:
"I think what you find is that for a lot of us, we've been working for 14, 15 years; what it takes to make it here comes from experience and confidence and knowing how to be confident with yourself. I think it comes with age. It's definitely the benchmark of all jobs."
Yes, that's it. Most underwear models are chosen for their experience, confidence and typing ability.
Photo: Getty Images
With cold and flu season here, it's time to set the record straight about some common myths associated with these illnesses!
1. You get a cold from being outside in cold weather. WRONG! The cold and flu are both spread by associating with people with low morals.
2. You should "starve a cold, feed a fever." WRONG! If you are sick, you should consume a strict diet of the bottom layer of the inside of a Milky Way bar. So, JUST THE NOUGAT, and not the caramel. Removing the other layers is a time consuming and messy process, but it must be done.
3. Echinacea will help cure a cold. WRONG. This is a lie being spread by the government to get us hooked on this chemical, which will ultimately result in all of us becoming fuzzy headed hippies, walking around making peace signs, singing James Taylor songs. Which is just what they want. Then the communists move in and take charge.
4. Zinc boosts your immune system. WRONG. Consuming large quantities of this metal will, however keep you from rusting.
5. When you sneeze you should cover your mouth with your hand. WRONG! Any time you sneeze, a portion of your soul is released into the air. This is why you must bless someone after a sneeze. Sneeze into a Ziploc bag, seal it, and then reintroduce this bag of soul back into your body. I won't give you all the details, but it is the same way drugs are smuggled into prison.